Tudor fact of the day: 462 years ago today in 1553, Mary Tudor was crowned. Queen of England. She wasn’t really meant to be Queen though, as her little brother King Edward VI had named his cousin, Jane Grey, as successor to the throne.
Edward didn’t want his elder sister Mary to inherit it: for one thing she had been declared a bastard by their dad when he ditched Katherine of Aragon, and for was, she was a mental as balls, hormonal Catholic hell bent on fucking over any Protestant that stood in her way, (this allegedly even included new born infants who she mercilessly had tossed onto fires like a crazy fucker).
Anyway, as it seems I can’t mention Mary without implying she was the Palaces resident psychopath, it’s about time I gave you with some cool facts about her. So here goes my top 6:
1. Mary was the first woman crowned in England who was Queen in her own right. To illustrate this she held 2 sceptres: the one traditionally held by Queens and the other, the sceptre of the King. Quite the feminist was our Mary.
2. Mary was a gambler. She both won and lost a shit tonne of the Tudor coinage this way. It’s all wrote down in the privy purse accounts.
3. Despite being the ‘unwanted Queen’ by Henry VIII, Anne of Cleeves is the only one buried in Westminster abbey. This is all thanks to Mary, who loved Anne so much she arranged a burial fit for a Queen to honour her life. Good skills Mary.
4. When Henry VIII ditched Mary’s Mum, Katherine of Aragon, for Anne Boylen and made himself head of the Church of England, he all but abandoned Mary and devoted her a bastard. As such, Mary refused to acknowledge that her father was the head of a church and dismissed him as the fucking lecherous idiot he was. She stuck to her guns with it, despite it being treasonous, until her cousin Charles V, convinced her to say she had changed her mind. She never actually did and regretted saying so for the rest of her days. It took a brave woman to stand up to Henry, I totally admire Mary for this.
5. Mary was short sighted and had a MEGA expensive taste in clothes, owning some of the most expensive items in the Tudor wardrobe (including a cloth of silver dress).
6. When Jane Seymour, Henry’s 3rd and favourite wife), was preggers, Mary sent her some cucumbers to help her with her cravings. Not quite the bitch we normally think about when somebody mentions the name ‘Bloody Mary’.