So yesterday was the 461th wedding anniversary of Mary Tudor and Phillip II of Spain. The pair married on 25th July 1554 at Winchester Cathederal, I couldn’t write about it yesterday as I was actually dying of a hangover and Phillip of Spain was such a dick that my stomach could not hold my levels of rage without evacuating. 
Anyway, Mary was super into Phillip but he was a bit meh about the whole thing, to him it was pretty much a business deal. However because this was the case there was an act passed prior to the big day which stated that Phillip would rule jointly with his wife and it prevented him from stealing the throne. Ultimately the pair married to restore to England, Wales and Ireland after a few decades of the Protties having ago (much to the sheer dismay of Mary who fucking hated them).

Mary was 37 when she married, had a few failed pregnancies, (including a phantom pregnancy) and bore Phil no kids. They were married for 4 years, in which time they managed to murder about 300 Protestants (still only a small amount compared to how many people Her dad Henry VIII killed)

Phillip wasn’t that into Mary and wasn’t even there when she died. He then took the piss and proposed to Elizabeth Tudor when she inherited the throne after her sister death like a greedy bastard. She told him to cock off and a few years down the line, Phil tried to invade England with his shit armada. She handed his arse to him. Long and short he was an absolute knob face. Still, happy anniversary eh.

look at him with his stupid legs like a chump