May 2nd, 1536: The queen is arrested


480 years ago today, in 1536, Anne Boylen and her brother George were arrested and taken to the Tower of London by barge, to await a trial for incest, high treason and adultery.  

On May 1st he had held the May Day joust when half way through he stropped off with some of his pals to head for Westminster, without a word to anyone, leaving his queen, Anne,  stood there like a right dick in front of their audience.

 En route Henry asked his one of his knights of the garter, (and Henry’s actual arse wiper), Henry Norris, if he had been nobbing Anne. Norris maintained his innocence but was taken to the tower anyway, along with a court musician called Mark Smeaton. Anne and George were sent the next day, and eventually 2 other blokes who had also supposedly shagged the queen joined them. 

Anne had apparently been having a fine old time with these blokes, (even her brother), and the whole thing was a nightmare. All concerned were found guilty and executed. The whole thing had been engineered by the incredibly perceptive Thomas Cromwell, who was trying to sack off Anne because the king had grown fed up of her and wanted to commence his molestation of a young courtier named Jane Seymour. The queen had been accused of witchcraft during the trial because Henry’s lack of sexual competence had been brought into the spotlight. After all, it would be inconceivable to thing that the fat old prick couldn’t get a stiffy. 

Now don’t get me wrong, Anne was no innocent in all of this; she was scheming, manipulative and selfish. But did she shag half the Tudor court and practice witchcraft? Did she fuck. Henry was a spoilt brat and hd grown sick of his new toy. After a seven year chase, a religious reformation, a divorce and a cast aside queen, he now needed to ditch the strummer Anne because he had cock twitches  for a younger, more submissive and far less feisty model. 

Anne was executed at the tower by a French swordsman for a whole catalogue of offences. He only real crime was being greedy and over ambitious. She had bitten off more than she could chew and paid the ultimate price. However, I like to think that Anne had the last laugh, it is her daughter who against all odds and pitfalls, became England’s greatest monarch, Queen Elizabeth I. 

a romanticised image of the execution of Anne Boylen, apparently in some sort of padestrian footpath at court

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