January 16th 1549: Tom and the Spaniel

In 16th January 1549, Thomas Seymour tried to break into Edward VI bedroom and kidnap him. Edward was Henry VIII’s young son who became king after his Dad’s death. He wasn’t old enough to rule so was kept in the care of his uncle Edward (his mum, Jane Seymour’s brother), and Edwards evil bitch faced wife Anne.
Thomas was Edward and Janes younger brother and was jealous to shit that his brother was Lord Protector of the king, which basically meant he ran the country till the king was if age. Not only that but Thomas had married Queen Katherine Parr when Henry VIII had died, (the two had been lovers prior to her marriage to Henry). When Edward Seymour rose to power he stole all of Katherine’s jewels for his dickend wife and refused to return them.
Thomas had had enough. Katherine had not long since died and his brother was a giant wanker. He decided to take matters into his own hands. He broke into the young kings apartments with the intention of abducting him to convince him that he should be Lord Protector and that his brother was a dick. What he didn’t bank on was the young King Ed had a loyal pet Spaniel.
The Spaniel leap up barking much to Tom’s surprise. What did he do? Only fucking shot it. Now I am by no means a consultant when it comes to winning people over and manipulation, but I’m pretty certain shooting a kids dog is not the way to go about these matters.
Obviously Thomas was arrested and eventually executed on no less than 33 accounts of treason, (he had done all kinds of other shit including molest a young Princess Elizabeth). He left his new born daughter orphaned and his brother and sister-in-law thrilled to shit, (needless to say Edward Seymour was also executed a little later for treason like a bell end).

 

Thomas Seymour: spaniel killer

 

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